Empty Arms
by the female apophis
Summary: ...because I've gotten so used to having empty arms, I wouldn't know what to do with myself it they were suddenly filled with him...


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Empty Arms

By: the female apophis

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Disclaimer: Nope, sorry folks, but I don't own them.

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Spoilers: very, very, very slight ones for Chimera. Basically, all I said was that Sam tried to move on.

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Characters: told in Sam's POV.

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Summary: …because I've gotten so used to having empty arms, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if they were suddenly filled with him.

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Song: slightly inspired by a song of the same title, but the song won't be making an appearance.

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Other Stuff: nope.

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Warning: this one has a touch of angst to it. I wouldn't say that you need tissues, but it might make you sigh in a sad manner.

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A/N: it's just something small that I put together for you all. I hope you all enjoy it!

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Over the course of the past few years, I have grown to love and cherish that man more than life itself.

Yet I can't have him.

I have grown to love him more than any woman has ever loved a man in the history of the planet.

Yet I can't have him.

He has become one of the best friends that I have ever had, and will continue to be so until my dying day.

Yet I can't have him.

I have dreamed about him for years, but that's as far as it will ever go.

I will never get the opportunity to hold him as a wife would hold her husband.

I will never get to kiss him good morning and kiss him goodnight.

I will never get to make love with him as hours slip past.

I will never have these things.

Simply because I made the choice to enter the Air Force.

A decision that I have never regretted until now.

I realize now that had I never joined the Air Force, I would have had him in my arms long ago.

I know that it wouldn't have mattered to the SGC whether or not I was in the military. They would've hired me for my mind, not my actions in the field.

I wish there was something I could do about this matter, but I know there isn't.

I know that no matter what I do, there is only one thing that could possibly allow me to have him.

Unfortunately, neither of us are willing to take that step.

While we love each other, neither of us could ever ask the other to give up their careers.

We love our jobs too.

And while it doesn't help the fact that I will probably be left with empty arms for the rest of my life, it does me good to know that there is someone out there who loves me as more than a friend.

I've been seriously considering retiring lately. I'm at that age now where it really wouldn't matter anyway.

I know that he would never stand for it, but I honestly don't care anymore.

I'm tired of waking up each morning without having an arm draped across my waist.

I'm tired of going to sleep each night with no one lying next to me in bed.

So I'm doing what my heart is telling me to do for once, not my head.

I'm going to get the man I love, the consequences be damned.

I'm sure he won't like it, but he'll get used to it quick enough.

I stopped telling myself to wait a while ago.

I tried to move on with my life, but I couldn't do it.

No man could ever compare to him.

My problem is though, I don't have the courage to just hit print after I type out my resignation. It's stored to my computer now, and all I have to do is hit print, and sign it.

But I can't do that.

No matter how hard I try, I still have doubts in my mind.

What if it wasn't what I had expected it to be?

What if what I thought was love was nothing more than a crush?

What if he doesn't feel that way about me?

What if he likes me as nothing more than a friend?

I realized that no matter how many what if questions I could have, that I have an answer to all of them.

I know that it will be even more than I expect it to be.

I know that it is love, not a crush.

I know he feels the same way about me.

I know he doesn't just look at me as a friend.

I know that if I do find the courage to print off that resignation form, he'll accept me with open arms.

He won't question my actions; well, he might at first, but once he realizes why I'm doing it, he'll understand.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to print it.

It's just a matter of opening the document, printing it out, signing it, and giving it to Hammond.

Okay, I've got it open now.

Why can't I just click that damn button?!

I want Jack.

More than life itself.

Why can't I just do what's necessary to get it then?

Because I've gotten so used to having empty arms, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if they were suddenly filled with him.

-fin-

Okay, so it was kind of short, and I'm sure it didn't have the ending you were looking for, but hey, I can't make them happy all the time. Especially not after the day I had today.

Much love to you all!


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